The last few days the kids have been ummmm.... tired. Tired is my euphemism for grumpy, whiny, mean or otherwise exhibiting bad behaviors. This is the scenario that happens about 238 times everyday:
I'm doing something and Andrew runs in sobbing and crying sputtering words that I can't understand. When I finally understand what he is saying it is usually some variation of "Zizzy hit me" or "Zizzy touched my shirt" or "Zizzy talked mean." Sometimes I just comfort him and sometimes I go ask Lizzy what happened. Her part of the story always starts out with "Well Andrew was......" (the dots are filled with her idea of justification for whatever she did to him. Sometimes they are really funny....like "Andrew is a boy and he was trying to wear GIRL shoes"). Then I am in a quandry. Do I punish Lizzy?? Should I tell them to work it out?? Should I tell Andrew to toughen up?? Lately I've gotten so sick of it that I just holler to Lizzy...."say sorry to Andrew" which she does with a mumble and then we move on with our lives unless Andrew isn't satisfied. Sometimes he also demands "Zizzy go time-out."
It's funny that I'm writing this post since the other post I'm working on at the same time is one about what good friends they've become and how I love to see them play together. It seems like as their friendship has deepened...their fights have also grown more intense.
This picture illustrates this odd combination of friendship and rivalry at the same time.Anyway...how do you handle sibling fights? Please give me all of your good suggestions. If I wasn't there to see what actually happened...is it fair to punish anyone??? If I don't punish.... will my kids learn just to do naughty things when Mom isn't looking?? I feel like I'm a referee and really not a very good one. My kids are the ones on the sidelines yelling...."bad call.... booooo ... bad call!!" Any thoughts?
6 comments:
Sorry I don't have much advice. I do about the same thing as you. If there is a complaint about something silly, like Grayson looked at me funny, I ignore it. If there is anything physical involved we do timeout.
Good luck there, Rachelle, I have absolutely no experience in that department! It's a funny post though if that helps...hmmm, probably not. Your kids are great though-we all go through sibling rivalry but somehow we end up being best friends with our siblings in the end.
Okay, so I wrote a novel and then the google server failed.. and I couldn't recover my comment :)
So a shorter version, of things that work for us:
Have them work together for a goal, (I love the good behavior noodle Jar). The goals should be something they can enjoy together. The catch 'em being good. It's amazing how quickly they catch on!
Start off the morning or the playtime with a group activity that encourages them to work together, (building a fort together, a puzzle, obstacle course, etc.), if they start off working together well, then it seems to make it easier for them to continue.
The rule at our house is if you're going to fight over a toy or about things then those things get put up, until tomorrow. Also, my boys thrive on being together. We have separate quiet times everyday, but sometimes it is hard for them to be together so much. So if needed I set up toys in different rooms for them, and then eventually they get tired of playing by themselves, and realize it is much funner to play with brother than by themselves! Hopefully those will help! I am excited to read your further comments, because this is a constant battle at our house!
Okay, so I wrote a novel and then the google server failed.. and I couldn't recover my comment :)
So a shorter version, of things that work for us:
Have them work together for a goal, (I love the good behavior noodle Jar). The goals should be something they can enjoy together. The catch 'em being good. It's amazing how quickly they catch on!
Start off the morning or the playtime with a group activity that encourages them to work together, (building a fort together, a puzzle, obstacle course, etc.), if they start off working together well, then it seems to make it easier for them to continue.
The rule at our house is if you're going to fight over a toy or about things then those things get put up, until tomorrow. Also, my boys thrive on being together. We have separate quiet times everyday, but sometimes it is hard for them to be together so much. So if needed I set up toys in different rooms for them, and then eventually they get tired of playing by themselves, and realize it is much funner to play with brother than by themselves! Hopefully those will help! I am excited to read your further comments, because this is a constant battle at our house!
Not much help from me, although I thought Emily's comment was great. It was always an issue in my classroom too. You almost want to punish the "tattle teller" more than the offender, just because you get tired of hearing about it. It is a tough issue.
Man, I wish I had some wisdom on this subject, but I'm in the same pickle. Usually, if someone has hit or hurt someone on purpose, I put that someone in time out. So far, my girls haven't lied about this so I trust them when they say they've been hurt. Also, the offender is honest about hurting. Other things than that, I'm at a loss at what to do to! Good luck!
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