I keep a journal where some of my more private thoughts are housed. I've never shared from it before, but I recently re-read this post and thought that it may be worth sharing. I need this reminder again and maybe someone else out there does as well.
It's also funny that I wrote this because I don't remember feeling quite so bleak during the move. I guess this was a dark moment or something....
July 20, 2010
I’m a Texan now. Yes. I live in Texas. It’s been a mighty change. You might say. So here I am, and I’ve decided that I’m almost finished pitying myself and feeling sorry for how lonely and unloved I am here in lonely, hot, buggy, flooding Texas. I have been praying and praying lately…. Just for strength, or knowledge about how to become happy again. This morning, kind of like a revelation, I received the answer and it is mind boggling. Sit down because this is going to knock you over. The answer is….
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.
It seems that I have heard that somewhere before, but it feels all new to me. So here is what I want:
I want to be loved.
I want to have friends.
I want to be respected.
I want to have a spirit of peace and calm surrounding me.
I want to have my kids listen to me.
So here is what I need to do.
Give love.
Be a friend.
Respect others.
Seek for the Spirit.
Listen to others.
It is so easy. But so often I, and I suspect others, try to get what they want by demanding it, or pleading for it and then being so hurt when we are not respected. But now, in retrospect, I can see how this has happened. As I have been stressed and overwhelmed with this move and our new home, I have become more impatient with the kids. I have stopped taking the time to talk to them and listen to them and respect them for the unique and special individuals that they are. And then I am baffled when they do not respect me or listen to me or show me the love that I want. Of course this is not all so bad as I am writing here… we are generally speaking a happy little family, but things have just been a little bit ‘off’ lately. I feel that this is the course for getting back ‘on’. Isn’t it wonderful how something so simple can be learned again in a new and exciting way. I really feel excited. And filled with hope. Hope is a very good thing.
