Stop Messing Up

As I go through life I often find myself making the same mistakes over and over.  It drives me crazy.  I'll find myself in a ditch that I know I have been in before.  Kind of like deja vu I'll sense that it is all very familiar, but I can't quite remember how I got out of it last time.  For example I used to get into serious power struggles with Lizzy.  I would eventually figure out what I needed to do to avoid those kinds of interactions, but over and over I forgot and got into them anyway.  Eventually I went to my journal and wrote:  THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT LIZZY.  I then referred to that page ALL the time.  It was so helpful to have a reference of things I know work and things that don't work.  Here are a few things that I have found work for me (or don't work) and reminders that give me proper perspective in life.


1. Don't try to change my kids behavior.  Change myself.  Behave the way that I want them to behave. Don't lecture on kindness.  Be kind.

2.  It's okay for the kids to mess up.  That is how they learn.  Let them make mistakes and then learn from the consequences.  Don't rescue them, don't lecture, don't threaten or guilt them into doing the right thing.  Let them make their own choices and have experiences that only come from mistake making.   (I am awful at this one.)

3.  The more I treat my husband like he is a schmuck... the more he will end up acting like one.  If I treat him like he is a rock star... then I end up being married to a rock star.

4.  A clean house is nice. A happy family is even nicer.  A clean house and a happy family may never actually happen at the same time.

5.  Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. (President Monson)

6.  Every kid deserves to have someone believe that they are the most special person in the world.  They won't remember most of what I tell them, but they will remember how I made them feel.

7.  Be positive.  Be with positive people.  If you don't feel positive.... pretend until you do feel positive.

8.  Don't go shopping with all of the kids... it always ends badly.

9.  I am simply happier when I have fewer things on my schedule.  Over scheduling always leads to being in a hurry, getting snappy and impatient with kids.  Kids naturally move slow and allowing time for that makes everyone happier.

10.  Remember that you soul needs nourishment too.  Walk in the woods, visit the beach, head up the mountains or go to the park.  It refreshes and invigorates me.

11.  It's okay to take a nap.  Naps are good.

12.  Too much screen time makes for grumpy kids and a grumpy mom.

Whats on your list?

Letter to My Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,
During the course of raising 5 kids, I'll bet that you sometimes thought that we'd never really appreciate you until we had kids of our own.  Today I had the same thought about my kids.  Someday they'll understand, someday they'll thank me.  So I guess today is the day that I am feeling grateful for all you've done for me and sorry for all that I didn't understand.

Thank you for the millions of dishes you've washed and the toilet you've scrubbed. Thank you for getting up and getting to work another day no matter how much you wanted to crawl back into bed. Thank you for the times that you said "No thanks, you go ahead and have the last piece."   Even though you hadn't yet had a bite of the dessert.  Thank you for sticking to it and making me do chores even when I was stubborn and unpleasant and you know you could have done it 10 times better on your own.

I'm sorry that I didn't see the many things you did behind the scenes.  I don't think I understood that your  to-do list was forever long.  I didn't know that you tried to balance a million things and felt forever guilty at the ones that you didn't manage to complete. I'm sorry that I failed to notice almost everything you did.  

I'm sorry that I couldn't see you as anything but my parents.  People put on earth to feed me, clothe me, entertain me.  I'm not sure if I really knew that you were... you know.... human too.

Thank you for all the times you prayed for me and worried about me and did everything you could to help me and then for forgiving me when I accused you of "not caring about me."

Thank you for holding family scripture study and family home evening even though lots of times you must have thought that nothing was actually making it into our brains and your head was going to explode if you had to listen to any more fighting.

Thank you for taking us on camping trips and helping us to create great memories.  Taking a family of 7 camping couldn't have been much of a vacation for you.  Did you ever long for a vacation after taking us all on a vacation?

I'm sorry that I thought you were old and out of touch with kids today.  I thought I knew more than you.  Ha.  I really did think that for awhile didn't I?

Thank you for every time you said "no" even when every other parent in the world was saying "yes".

Thanks for raising me in such a way that I wanted to have a family too.

Thanks Mom and Dad.  It's time I admit it... you were right after all.

Love, Me

Turning 8

8 is a big deal around here.  We believe in our church that 8 years old is the age at which a child has had enough experience in life to know right from wrong.  At 8 years a child is old enough to make the decision to follow Christ and be baptized.  I'm so proud of Andrew for making the decision to be baptized.  He didn't take it lightly either.  He made a point of learning the covenants he would be making and then I watched as he underlined them in his scriptures a few days after he'd been baptized.  He sincerely wants to do right and for that I am so grateful.  We're so thankful for family that traveled a long way to be here to celebrate this special day with us.  And to lots of good friends, many who are not of our faith, who also came to share their love and support.  We love you all.

Andrew was baptized by Aaron and then confirmed by his Grandpa Brown, whom he was named after.  What a fantastic day.  

At 8 I also let the kids have a bigger party than usual, so Andrew picked a Harry Potter birthday party which I got pretty excited about cause who doesn't love Harry Potter???  

I made this quick capes out of plastic tableclothes.  Super easy.  

Lizzy was a great sport and dressed up to play a few different parts.  Here she is telling fortunes for the kids as Professor Trelawney.  She was also Mr. Ollivander, the owner of the wand shop.

The kids loved quidditch most of all I think.

Here we are in the great hall enjoying some magical color changing drinks and pizza. 

We had fun with the sorting hat.  I put one end of a baby monitor inside the hat and Aaron went upstairs to talk into the other end.  The kids thought it was so fun.  Amazingly they all got put into Gryffindor and only one child objected.  I didn't know that Luna Lovegood was in Ravenclaw.  Whoops.  

Yep.  He got a body suit for his birthday.  It's what he wanted more than anything.  Freaky weird when he is suddenly standing behind you and you didn't notice.  

Happy birthday my wonderful, energetic, happy, kind hearted boy.